:: For years I’ve ranted about parents giving stoopid baby names to their children. It’s one of the reasons that certain people should not be permitted, by law, to procreate. One of my favorite web sites is Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing: A Primer on Parent Cruelty, compiled by Diane Goodman in San Francisco. Goodman visits various baby naming bulletin boards (like BabyCenter), grabs actual posts about what names parents are considering giving their new babies, and adds editorial comments to each one. It’s one of the few sites that makes me laugh out loud.
Friday’s Edmonton Journal featured an article on the top Alberta baby names for 2003. Titled Now who’d name their child Zxyrill? (good question, and a sad one at that), the article not only highlights stoopid names, but the bizarre trend of parents to create variant spellings on a name, as if in doing so, they have bestowed some special individuality on their poor, unsuspecting child.
Examples from the article:
Proud Alberta parents named 114 girls Abigail. Others went with Abbegale, Abbeygael, Abbigael, Abbigayle, Abbi-Gayle, Abbygail, Abbygale, Abigael, Abigale and Abigayle.
That sound you just heard was me, screaming. Sorry, hope I wasn’t too loud. What’s missing from these two lists are variations like Ehdin, A’dyn, Aaddinn, and Haidan, where the parents advise their poor kid that the “H” in his name is silent.
One boy in Alberta was named Connnor. Yes, there are three “n”s in his name. Another girl was named Lexus-Nykole. Among the baby names for boys, registered in Alberta in 2003: Blade, Boston, Caprice, Chaos, Coletrane (jazz fan?), D. (yes, with the period), Dee-Jay (radio fan?), Dilbert (likes the funnies?), Diesel (likes Vin?), Denzel (obvious), Ebenzer (is that a typo?), Exzavier (wanted to ensure correct pronunciation), Fox and Foxx (one’s parents like Mulder, the other Redd), Freedom (Woodstock outtake), Frost, Genesis (“there must be some misunderstanding…”), H. (will he meet D. someday?), Hillary (this kid will get teased), Houston (will he meet Boston someday?), J.R., Jetli (martial arts fan?), Jonathn (typo?), Journey (did they ever tour with Genesis?), K.C. (also KC), (NOTE: The Ks have many bizarre variations on many names beginning with C), Lucky, Madeleine (he’ll need to team up with Hillary), Man, Maxxam (palindrome), Memphis (ok, geothematic stuff happening here), Neo (Matrix fan?), Oblio (old Nillson fan? “Me and My Arrow…”), Ocean, Osama (er, um…), Ozzy (70s headbanger?), Pure (?), Phoenix (continuing with cities), River (perhaps he’ll be in the same class as Ocean), Shady, Shooter, T. (ok, so maybe D., H., J.R., K.C., and T. will form a rock band called The Initials), Thunder, Tiger, Tolkien (could become friends with J.R.), Trigger (will become friends with Shooter), Wang (there was also a Chung, please, please let them become friends, too!), Xyler (what, Tyler isn’t good enough?), Zyler (ok, you win).
More variant spelling examples: Braden: Bradyn, Braedan, Braeden, Braedon, Braedyn, Braiden, Braidin, Braidon, Brayden, Braydin, Braydon, BrayDyn. What, Braydan wasn’t good enough? What about Breigh-Dann?
Among the baby names for girls, registered in Alberta in 2003: A., Arizona-Rayne, Babe, Bay-JA (my name is spelled capital b, small a, small y, hyphen, capital j, capital a), Becca (that had to happen, in addition to destroying spelling, parents are now chopping up names as well), Brie (name your kid after cheese?), Brooklyn (ok, when did naming a girl after an NYC borough become popular? And the variations? Migod… Brookelyn, Brooke-Lyn, Brooke-lyn, Brooke-Lynn, Brooke-lynne, Brooklin, BrookLyn, Brook-Lyn, Brook-lyn, Brooklynn, Brooklynne. They forgot Broocklinne), Charisma (no pressure on this kid), Charlize (nicely timed), Colby (another cheese), Desert (will have to date Ocean or River), Dwyshina, Dylynn (aghh!), Georga (another typo?), Ice (will be in contention with Desert to date River or Ocean), Island, Isabell’a (is that pronounced Isabell-AHHH?), J’dynn (a Klingon?), Jewelyanna, Jor-el (isn’t that Superman’s father’s name?), Jythsaint (try saying that while eating crackers), Kennedy (and Kenadee, Kenady, Kenedy, Kennadi, Kennedi – shoot me now), Leaf, November, Ocean (and Oceana, Oceanna, Océanne), Orielle-Floriane, Peris, Poetry, Prescious (are the parents named Gollum and Smeagol?), Promise, Rabeaca (if this is a variation on Rebecca, the others include: Rebbeca, Rebbecca, Rebecka, Rebeka, Rebekah, Rebekka, Rebekkah, and Rebeccaanne – spare a hyphen, maybe?), Sappho (are they expecting her to bat for the same team?), Sarah-Lee (future cake baker?), Shaquille (c’mon, she’s a girl, dammit!), Sparrow, Solaris, Storm, Sunshine (they must become friends), Swastika (oh-my-God; maybe she’ll have it changed, or shortened to “Tika”), Teardrop, Ty’r (Klingon again?), White, and Zowie.
Perhaps many of these children might end up in the same kindergarten class. I pity the teacher. The images are frightening. “Mom, Sappho and J’Dynn are here, can I go out and play with them? We’re going over to Tolkien’s house, Ocean, River and Ice will be there too.” How will Chaos’s parents react when he brings his girlfriend over to meet them? “Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet Swastika.”
Can’t any of these parents be slapped upside the head, or given a good, swift, hard kick in the behind?
:: BTW, The Sopranos returned to tv, after a 15-month hiatus. The first episode tonight was quite good. Here’s a review (with spoilers, if you haven’t seen the episode, don’t read the whole thing.)
{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }
I have trouble wrapping my head around Aiden, much less the rest of those. 130 took the homonymal form of my son’s name last year, eh? I suppose we were ahead of the curve.
Signed,
Someone who spells his name funny
Tolkien. It’s TolkIEn. IE. (I just finished editing an essay where someone had misspelled it 10 times…). And I know Oblio’s mom. :)
Remember the SNL sketch in which the parents agonize about names that might be turned into something derogatory or dirty and name the kid Ossweepay?
*shudder* Maybe we should just number people. It’s simpler, and it eliminates not only these strangities but also things like “Wesley”.
Oops, thanks, Jena, for correcting my spelling!
#1: How long did it take you to type this post
#2: good lord. who wants to take bets that “Diesel” and “Fox” probably came from young teen parents? Mind you, people still make fun of “Summer” and “Flower” and the like decades after the 60s.
Kelly, it took me, maybe three hours in total (including typing), but it was fun, because I love looking at the lists of baby names. Also, I didn’t do it all at once, I worked on it, saved it as a draft, came back to it.
Randy dear,
I have been laughing so hard the tears have been running down my face. I actually wrote the annual baby names release for the Alberta Government two years running. My favourite trend the second year was people giving their kids nouns as names — Rock, Rain, River, Tree, Book, Wind, Cloud and the best of that year Space.
Not often I think of the Government of Quebec as having any thing to offer up as an example to the rest of us, but they actually have strict rules about what you can or can not name a child.
Brooklyn the 20th most popular girls’ name? Was that even a name 5 years ago? Enjoyed the post!
Yes, My name is on the bad bad baby list. But overall, my life is great and my name is not bad. You know what name is bad, it is JOHN!
Hey…my name’s Brooklyn…I like my name…what’s wrong with it? Most others think it’s a great name, too.
Well, John is NOT a bad name, actually, and neither is Bradeon – er – Braädynne – er – well, do you get the point? Why the 9,456 different spellings? It’s baby-naming gone insane. As for Brooklyn, well, the jury’s out on that one for me, I confess. Brooke is a nice name, as is Lyn. I guess it’s ok, but geez, I can’t separate it from the borough. I mean, are your sisters named Queens and Yonkers? When did it suddenly become way cool to name a kid after a geographic area? Sorry.
good lord. who wants to take bets that “Diesel” and “Fox” probably came from young teen parents? Mind you, people still make fun of “Summer” and “Flower” and the like decades after the 60s
Sounds to me like your the teen making fun of peoples names. Pathetic
I’ll tell you something that is a pet peeve of mine. It is ignorant parents calling the child by their middle name on a daily basis from the day that the child is born. Now it is obvious why parents do it but it is still wrong. They name the kid after themselves and start calling the kid by the middle name to avoid confusion in the home. However, they forget that nobody outside of the home wants anyone’s first initial, middle name and last name on legal documents in private companies and government agencies. Every rude stranger wants to shove the wrong name down the poor kid’s throat in a misguided attempt to be their so-called “friend.” Then when the kid has to correct these idiotic strangers about the name, then they want to punish the kid because of his parents’ mistake in naming him. This also always happens after the kid has already told people what his preferred name happens to be. This is extremely obnoxious. By the way, you are supposed to call customers in a business or a government agency by their last names. Now I have a question for people. How can you be a friend of someone and not know which name that they use on a daily basis? This whole instant familiarity with total strangers is very phoney.
My parents did this stupid nonsense to me in addition to giving me a last name that is hard to spell and pronounce correctly. It is just too much confusion for idiots to have to deal with and it is a pain in the neck. I hate it when idiots call me by my first name that I don’t use with relatives and and friends on a daily basis. I also hate when people reduce the middle name to an initial, toss the initial out into the trash and mispronounce the last name. I don’t answer to nicknames that are derived from either names and people should not try to force me to answer to them. I also never answer to my initials or to double names. I tell people that I am legally required to use an alias when I have to put my first name, middle initial, and last name on legal documents. However, I have gotten my name changed on most legal documents because I put my first initial, middle name, and last name on them.
Please don’t do this to your child because it is an unwanted and unneeded nuisance. If you name your child after yourself, your spouse, or another relative, then please do it the correct way. Let us say that your name is Michael Alan King and your wife’s name is Susan Marie Jackson. Now you have a baby boy. Why don’t you name him Phillip Michael King and call him Phillip? This avoids confusion between the father and the son. Then the son’s name is listed as Phillip Michael King or Phillip M. King on legal documents and everyone will know what to call him. How is this confusing to people?
I’ve really enjoyed reading this list. I am a Quebec resident, but have to tell you that even their policies, the Quebec government let some awful names slide :
I’ve heard of Jersey, Dakota, Ocean, Océane, Storm, Océanie and many more…
P.
Now, I can understand why things like a childs name might bother someone. But I must admit, most of those names were just fine. People will spell a childs name any which way they like.
Like personally I like my sons name which is Braedyn. Its cute and it mean good health…and we will take that meaning very strongly, as my child was born with Down Syndrome.
I like the spelling of Braedyn. Its original, everyone spells is Braydon…and its boring. the Spelling Braedyn is gaelic, and signifies my background….all I had to say…
ITs a Nice Name!!!!
-Canadalass
OMG….those are some hilarious names…I actually seen two of the weirdest and saddest names too… Feather (no lie) and Bubba (No word of a lie…B-U-B-B-A) and they are brother and sister.
Weirdest family ever…
I also seen the name Twiggy…
A nurse I seen once had to register a Girl Named Cherish-Maya (last name??? get this….) BEAVER!
Cherish Maya Beaver!!!!
Charisma: in Christian theology a divinely inspired gift, it is greek meaning Grace. It is a beautiful name, my daughters name and it fits her personality.
You forgot:Ann,Anne Steve,Steph Christina,Kristina Sarah,Sara John,Jon Jonathan,Jonathen,Johnathon Jonnah,Jonna Glen,Glenn Ryan,Rian Eric,Erik,Erich Eddy,Eddie Tracy,Tracey,Tracie,Traci Katherine Catherine Katie,Katey Kathy,Cathy,Kathey,Cathey,Kathie,Cathie Ed,Edd Abby,Abbey,Abbie Jodi,Jodie,Jody,Jodey Bobby,Bobbie Greg,Gregg Willie,Willy Maddie,Maddi,Maddy,Maddey
I met a girl named Sparkle. Her sister’s name is Cinnamon Sugar. I also know a kid named Shithead (pronounced sha-theed). He had a hell of a time in high school. I know a little girl named Teacup, one named Latrina, several girls named Princess, a Daiquiri, a Chiquita, and I know twins named Oranjello and Lemonjello. Went to high school with them too. They were friends with Shithead. None of them have forgiven their parents yet.
my name is Brook-Lyn and i love it. i’m sorry you guys have boaring names but you don’t have to take it out on the people with cool names. Growing up with a different name has made me feel original and independant. i’m not just another jessica or brittany. yuck.
By the way….There is nothing wrong with the name Aedyn…it is my daughter’s name! The reason behind spelling it in that fashion is that is a lot more feminine looking than Aidan. I don’t think anyone would disagree with me on that.
I got a lot of flack for naking my daughter Trinity 8 years ago, now it is very popular due to the success of The Matrix. I like different names, but I’m not a fan of crazy spellings. It’s hard enough with sons Beau, (everybody wants to spell it Bo, like body-odor, I don’t think so), and Brenden, (my husband refused a -an ending, which I wanted, but now everyone spells it Brendan anyway) There is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. C’mon, Connnor with 3 n’s…they must have failed language arts it grade school.
NOTHING makes a name look more feminine. And you say a name far more often than you write it, and the ‘y’ sure as hell doesn’t make it sound any more feminine.
To the lady who named her son Braedyn: if you had done any research into traditional Scotch or Irish names (as you claim you are “celtic”, without specifying which, or perhaps Welsh, Breton, or mainland?), you’d have learned that y is not a letter in either Scottish or Irish Gaelic. In Welsh it is pronounced as an ‘ih’ sound, as in “Ick, the name Braedyn isn’t any more Irish than Mikayla!” I believe the name you were aiming for was “Brendan”, which IS a traditional Irish name. But unless you’re pronouncing that e as an n, I don’t see how you can get Brendan from Brayden. And it makes me sad, because you seem so very proud that it’s gaelic so it reflects your heritage…but in reality it just makes you look like white trash.
why dont you let them name their babies whatever they want.
Because, Meagan (not Megan, or Meghan, or Meaghan?) the poor kid’s gonna be spelling his name to people for the rest of his life. I’d know, my name is actually Kennyth, and my brother just named his kid Jaryd. It’s amazing how a simple ‘y’ can really ruin things for someone.
Are you kidding me with this? Aren’t there more important things over which to obsess than what other people name their children? Please don’t attempt to speak on behalf of the “poor, unsuspecting child” who, you argue, hasn’t a chance in life if he’s been given a unique name. Even the most basic, traditional names over the last hundred years (which I suspect meet with your approval) have had countless different spellings and variations (Katharine, Katherine, Kathyrine, Kathryn, Catharine, Catherine, Cathyrine, Cathryn, Kathy, Kathie, Cathy, Cathie, Katey, Katie, Katy, Caty, Catie, Elizabeth, Elizebeth, Elizbeth, Jonathon, Jonathan, Johnathan, John, Jon …though, I never understood why John is so commonly called “Jack”). But, who are any of us to judge? Do you propose we all be legally limited to a list of fifty basic names, each spelled only one way, just because it irks you to have to get to know someone’s name? Come on. Get real. Some find traditional names “comfortable” because they’re familiar, others find new trends “cool” because they’re unique, but different spellings are EVERYWHERE. Always have been. Are you unaware that many of the “new/different” names you’ve cited actually have ancient roots in history and many are technically the “original” version? It’s all part of the resurrection process in history, and the basic human need to express individuality. (And, BTW Randy, I find it poetic that you have such a problem with all of the different spellings of people’s names, yet have such a hard time wrapping your brain around the correct spelling of “stupid” …that’s the irony that made ME laugh). Why don’t you post something as fervently hostile about a topic that’s actually meaningful …like, I don’t know, the war, or fighting leukemia, or the pitfalls of modern healthcare, …anything. Names? You’re joking.
Would you be the one slapping and kicking people?. I know you wouldnt talk that smack in front of fathers who named their child one of those names. Who are you to judge who should have kids and who shouldnt? Do you think your God or just smart enough to speak on his behalf? I named my baby Ocean Why dont you come over to my house and try slapping me?!
.: I’m not sure that would be necessary. I think if federal legislation was developed and passed, preventing parents from giving their children names that will result in the crap getting kicked out of them when they are older, and from generally being humiliated and laughed at for the rest of their lives, slapping parents wouldn’t be required.
And lest you think this is an isolated viewpoint, (as mentioned above) please check Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing: A Primer on Parent Cruelty. It covers stupid baby names much better than I could ever do.
Also, check Stupid Baby Names, and The Utah Baby Name Primer.
I’m pregnant and if it is a boy I plan to name him Aedan. Don’t like it? Kiss my @$$. It isn’t your choice to make and my kid will appreciate the fact that I didn’t name him some retarded generic, biblical name like John, James, Joseph, etc.
Good luck with your impending birth, and with giving your child his name, Aedan. And you can kiss my ass as well, let’s make it mutual. I can’t speak for all the men who have been given “retarded generic, biblical” names like John, James, Joseph, but at least their parents didn’t name them Jawnn, Jaymzz, or Josiffe.
I stand by what I wrote. Kids given names with insanely twisted spellings, in the misguided belief that it will make them “unique”, need our sympathies and understanding. More than likely, they’ll have the sh*t kicked out of them when they’re older. BTW, read Ken’s comment about giving your children names with odd spellings. Not everyone agrees with you, whomever you are – what is your name, anyway? You’re not married to Erik, are you?
Chaos is an awesome name for a boy. In fact, I plan to name my boy Chaos when I grow up.
Quixotic is also another good one……
As someone who was given a very traditional name, I like names that are a little diffrent (not insanely so though). I graduated high school in a class of 108 students and out of that there were 3 Jennifer’s, 2 Jenipher’s, 1 jeniffer, and 3 Gennifer’s. It made things very confusing cause ultimatly I ended up with at least 3 of these people in each class. So that is why I am not found of “traditional” names. Second of all I used to work with this girl whose name was: Summer Skye Jordan Spring Flower Rain Cody Marie and then her last name which was Storm. Needless to say she was made fun of alot and the even funnier thing was she wore head to toe tye dye every single day LOL. So I also agree that you can go WAY overboard with the insanity.
yeah, I’ve got to agree that most of these names are absurd, but I agree with Brooklyn that Brooklyn is a fine name (in fact, if ever I move to a province where I can safely pick a name that’s only easily pronounceable in English and have kids, I think I’ll go with that one.)
The only downside is that there is, of course, a pornstar named Brooke Lynn, but given that the average career for a pornstar can’t possibly be more than about ten years, I should be fine.
I have always used my middle name and in business what a boost. If someone calls me and asks to speak by my first name, I know it is no one that knows me, if they ask to speak to Ann I am fairly certain that it is an aquaintance or someone I need to talk to. I consider it a gift.
This doesnt really have to do with the weird name spelling and stuff, but here’s a good one, my music teacher’s name is Guy.
Now that’s not really an unusual name right?
The funny thing is, his last name is Cox.
Making him Guy Cox
bad bad judgement on the parents’ part
hey try living with a name like KARL MARX and see where that gets ya.
I like it honest but gods did i get a lot of stares and whatnot when i entered college and took up… guess what
ECONOMICS as my major
Fun fun fun fun. Fun time but man did i get a lot of flack as a kid for it. BTW: you think i can go to the US these days and get a VISA with my name lolz
I must agree
baby names are the original form of cruelty to children
and why don’t parents think about their last name before giving a first name
I heard of a court case where a woman sued her parents for naming her Ima
coincidently, her last name was Hoar
and parents have a total lack of imagination, “keep up with the jones” if you will, “bobby? that’s sooo cute… honey, we must name our boy bobby too”
a childs name sets the foundation for his/her life!
don’t believe me, pick up a baby name book and check out your names, and your friends names, and your family’s names; you’ll be surprised as to how close the discriptions are
and changing the spelling doesn’t change the fact that you have no imagination
This is the absolute truth!!! I am an accounting/payroll admiistrator and have a person on my payroll whose real given legal name is 5/8ths. Absolutely no kidding on this!!!!
Also, my grandaughter who is 3 and one-half years old is named Braedyn. After she was born, two friends named their girl and boy the same but spelled “Braiden” and “Brayden”.
I don’t like so-called creative spellings for names, for one thing, it makes it very hard to spell and pronounce. What’s worse is when it’s a popular name with a unsual (or in some cases, made up) spelling. I know, because I used to have a name like that. When I was in school there were lots of other kids with the same sounding name, but I was the only one with an unsual spelling. When I turned 18, I legally changed my name. (Now there’s a much of little kids with the name I changed mine too.)
My brothers and sisters all had to go and name their children trendy names and I have a very hard time spelling the names when I send them birthday cards.
I think as long as you like the name and it sounds nice it shouldnt matter what other people think. I had twins in september and i named one of them ocean its a georgous name and suits her and its becoming a lot more common
Good rules to follow when naming babies:
1) Today’s trendy names are tomorrow’s elderly names. How many Mildreds, Ethels, and Franks under the age of 70 do you know?
2) Don’t use popular culture as a source for names. Especially Soap Operas. The popularity of the name ‘Braeden’ (and all its hideous spelling variations) can be directly traced to the actor Eric Braeden. He derived his stage surname from his place of birth: Bredenbek, Germany.
3) Don’t use you-neek spellingz! English-speaking countries are among the few who indulge in this travesty. (As if people were good at spelling to begin with!) If we applied this rule to every word in the English language, we would be in a horrible mess.
‘Aiden’ and ‘Aidan’ are the most commonly accepted Anglicisations of the Irish name ‘Aodhán’ which means ‘little fire’ and is actually pronounced AY-AWN! If you want your child to have a unique name, give then a unique name. Don’t confuse people by using a stupid spelling variation. (Which are often made up.)
4) Use some imagination (with restraint) and choose something which has special meaning.
I grew up with the 3rd most popular name to given your daughter in 1976… “Amy”… and boy, what a pain in the butt! During my freshman year at college, there were FIVE other Amys living on the same dorm floor as me! I have since stuck with a nice nickname that sounds nothing like Amy. It’s a nice enough name, but come on! I feel sorry for all the Isabellas, Kaylas, Kylas, Madisons, Addisons, Avas, Abbys, Aidans, Kaydens, Braedans, Jaydens, Connors, Tylers, Taylors, etc.
I gave my son a name that was briefly semi-popular in the 40s & 50s, & it is the common spelling. When his name is called in a crowd, ten other people won’t turn around.
my name isnt a weird variation but i still hate it lol
who the heck would name their kid Swastika?!? OMG
i felt the same when i first read baby named a bad bad thing,
laughed out loud and thought this woman’s a genius,
and the people we are laughing at asked for all the get.
there is nothing more important than people taking their jobs as parents seriously, and naming them is one of the first steps to proving your standard of understanding,
so to the morons who don’t think naming a baby is a big deal,
and to those who wrote to you saying so,
it is a test, and they all failed.
May our genes live on and theirs die out.
It is that serious, (and funny)
I called my daughter Tara, now that wasn’t hard AND she can spell it at 3 and a half!
thank you for your contribution to my feelings on this matter, and i hope you have a nice day
caz is a twit, far out, she had 2! there is no hope,
Ocean is not a name, and if popularity is based on what wankers think then i’m glad i know where i stand.
It is cruel. The only way for a child to be unique is by it’s personality and talents.
Not a fkn name!
Emma, thanks for your comments, much appreciated, and happy that you agree with me. This post has generated more comments than any other I have written. So thanks again for adding your thoughts to the topic!
My name is Aedan and I love my name, I’ve only met three other Aidan’s my whole life, and they havent had the same spelling as me.
First of all, although Aidan is popular now, it wasn’t when I was a child—Second of all the difference in spelling let’s people know that I am scottish (the spelling with an i is actually the irish way) so it had nothing to do with unique spelling attempts…
I love my name, and all the people I have met have loved it as well hence so many babies being named Aidan or different variations Jaden, etc..
The fact is when people call my name no one else turns in the crowd but me so in response to “W” dont feel sorry for me at all
the only time i ever see people calling my name and people turning their children still under the age of 10..
In fact, the only other person I know who hasnt felt like they had a run of the mill name was Cosmo, and even he feels like in the italian community its common
so you cant really hate on the name Aedan
because it suits me completely, is actually linked to Aodh, a part of the triumvarate creator god from celtic traditions called the dagda (or good god), and means little god, not as the common people would think little fire
So eat it if you dont like it
im a mystical being and I probly will encounter more rare connections because of my name then I will have to deal with feeling common
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