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Screaming Inside

:: I arrived home from work at 1830 hrs, angry with myself because of something that transpired today. It’s interesting that when you are mad, especially with yourself, and then you let the anger manifest itself further, whatever happens next usually will get you madder still.

Lately I’ve been losing things: business cards, stamps, a program book, another book I bought as a gift, and on and on. It’s been driving me nuts. Anyway, I arrive home, furious with self, and gather together a blood test request, post office parcel notice, and a prescription. I drop off the prescription, then drive to the lab for the blood test (close by). I park and walk to the lab only to notice that I grabbed the wrong document, and had to turn around, drive home, and get the right one for the test. I was not a happy puppy. I retrieve the correct form and arrive at the lab a second time, only to remember that I had to fast for eight hours before the test. (Note to self: D’OH!)

So I go to the post office, and pick up the parcel. Back in my car, I open my glove compartment to get a CD, and in the process dropped a small plastic card holder under my seat. Gee whiz, I was ANGRY AGAIN! I get out of the car, look under the seat to retrieve it. Opening it up, I find some video store cards I had thought I’d misplaced. *sigh*

I return home, and am unable to locate a friend’s business card, which has on it a number I needed to call, in Calgary. (I had lost the card, found it, lost it again, and found it again, over a period of one month, previous to today). I was ready to take a chain saw to my computer room. I find the card, and I don’t own a chain saw, anyway.

Being frustrated and angry is a demon with which I always wrestle. I know we tend to be hardest on ourselves. One time I was so angry at myself that in an attempt to blow off steam quickly, I slammed my tennis racket into my bed so hard that I pulled a back muscle.

Tonight I’m pissed off with me. A good slap upside the head isn’t out of the question. Such is life. Tomorrow I begin the Steely Dan Road Trip 2 (read all about SDRT 1 here), and know already that I must have patience, a lot of it, for this trip. I know it will be a good show, that’s the good part. I’ll be back in Edmonton on Monday. I plan to begin reading a book on forgiveness very soon.

Now I must mow the lawn. Cut the grass. Trim the natural turf.

2 Responses to “Screaming Inside”

  1. jenB Says:

    yoga, therapy, meditation, something. that kind of angst ain’t good for a person.

  2. randy Says:

    Yes, agreed. It’s not healthy. On my list of things to do is to relax and eliminate a few peripheral distractions, and try meditation. On my list of things that will get done: meeting with nutritionist next week. – R

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