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Why Do Parents Do This To Their Kids?

One of my (many) annoyances is the trend that began, oh, who knows, in the early 80s perhaps, of parents naming their kids last names that are less than conventional. (Meaning names that are traditionally last names only, unlike my own, Randall, or my brother, Christopher, etc – names that function as first or last names). Or just strange and bizarre names. Or changing one letter to make the name look “cool” (usually means replacing an “i” with a “y”, like Madyson or something equally childish.) Contractions of two names. Whatever. Have you even been shopping somewhere, and you hear a yuppie mom yell something like, “Tyler, Tyson, Mckenzie, we’re leaving now!”. When that happens, I want to slap the parent upside the head and ask them why they decided to inflict such cruelty on their children. (If your name is Tyler, Tyson or Mckenzie, no offense!) I was in Costco once, and the woman behind me had two beautiful little girls – their names were Kennedy and McKinley, after dead presidents or something.

From Rebecca‘s site I found “Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing – A Primer on Parent Cruelty” (Bow towards Chris Issak.) Here you will find not lists of names, but “naming questions and suggestions posted on two different baby naming bulletin boards going back as far as early 2001” Read it, and you will cringe. Would you name your child Denver Kade Lional, Xev Chiana Louise, Vashara Rashea, Kakinston? Speaking of contractions, one woman wants to name her girl Thazel, which is a contraction of Thelma and Hazel. AAGHHHHH! But wait, there’s more.

Derryl recently moved back to Canadaland from Logan, Utah. He found this site many moons ago, and I share it with you now. It’s called The Utah Baby Namer, and it is really scary. Cut to the chase and examine “The Cream of the Crop“. Read it, wince, cringe again, and give thanks for your name, whatever it might be. After all, you could be named LaVoice, Nazhalena, Crayon, Pictorianna, D’Asia, L’orL, Thermos, Dianarea, Jennyfivetina, NaLa’DeLuhRay, Vyquetoriya (changing the letters again, get it?), and yes – wait for it – Clitoris.

BTW, what names would I like to give my kids? Laura, Katie (Kate and all variations of Catherine/Katherine), Annie, Erin, Sara, Rachel, Loren, Michael, Daniel…and so it goes. Call me old fashioned. Just don’t call me late for dinner.

6 Responses to “Why Do Parents Do This To Their Kids?”

  1. zuchris Says:

    My God. “Vashara Rashea” and “Thermos” (WTF?!) take the cake. Too damned funny!

  2. Jena Says:

    “Dianarea”? Give me strength…!

  3. Alfvaen Says:

    Now, I am a connoisseur of names, and often I like them a little bit different, but not the direction those are going. My wife and I once semi-seriously discussed such girls’ names as “Briar” and “Aviendha”(a character from the Robert Jordan series), and were going to give “Yvesrose” as a middle name.

    I have a long list of names I think would be neat to give to a fictional character(and may, in my NaNoWriMo novel), but not for a child. For that, we have tried to tread the middle between over-common and over-weird.

  4. Xev Lover Says:

    Get over yourself, just because there are 2 billion John’s and Sara’s doesn’t mean we have to contribute another one!

  5. Xev Lover Says:

    Get over yourself, just because there are 2 billion John’s and Sara’s doesn’t mean we have to contribute another one!

  6. Sara Says:

    I am named Sara, the most common name in the world, and I wish I could change my name to something more fun. I think we shouldn’t have to pay so much to have our names legally changed.

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