the pod bay door

.: Of all the posts I’ve ever written, the one which has received the most comments was my first baby name rant. To date, it has received 32 comments. The comments turned into a thread, with various readers responding to earlier comments. The most recent ones are from some angry readers. This one came from someone afraid to list a real name, choosing to use “What’s the big deal”:

Are you kidding me with this? Aren’t there more important things over which to obsess than what other people name their clhildren? Please don’t attempt to speak on behalf of the “poor, unsuspecting child” who, you argue, hasn’t a chance in life if he’s been given a unique name…

(And, BTW Randy, I find it poetic that you have such a problem with all of the different spellings of people’s names, yet have such a hard time wrapping your brain around the correct spelling of “stupid” …that’s the irony that made ME laugh). Why don’t you post something as fervently hostile about a topic that’s actually meaningful …like, I don’t know, the war, or fighting leukemia, or the pitfalls of modern healthcare, …anything. Names? You’re joking.

Seems this person completely missed the point of using the word “stoopid” in the original post.

Erik followed with:

Would you be the one slapping and kicking people?. I know you wouldnt talk that smack in front of fathers who named their child one of those names. Who are you to judge who should have kids and who shouldnt? Do you think your God or just smart enough to speak on his behalf? I named my baby Ocean Why dont you come over to my house and try slapping me?!

To which I replied:

I’m not sure that would be necessary. I think if federal legislation was developed and passed, preventing parents from giving their children names that will result in the crap getting kicked out of them when they are older, and from generally being humiliated and laughed at for the rest of their lives, slapping parents wouldn’t be required.

And lest you think this is an isolated viewpoint, (as mentioned above) please check Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing: A Primer on Parent Cruelty. It covers stupid baby names much better than I could ever do.

Finally, another reader, once again afraid to use her real name, writes:

I’m pregnant and if it is a boy I plan to name him Aedan. Don’t like it? Kiss my @$$. It isn’t your choice to make and my kid will appreciate the fact that I didn’t name him some retarded generic, biblical name like John, James, Joseph, etc.

To which I replied:

Good luck with your impending birth, and with giving your child his name, Aedan. And you can kiss my ass as well, let’s make it mutual. I can’t speak for all the men who have been given “retarded generic, biblical” names like John, James, Joseph, but at least their parents didn’t name them Jawnn, Jaymzz, or Josiffe.

I stand by what I wrote. Kids given names with insanely twisted spellings, in the misguided belief that it will make them “unique”, need our sympathies and understanding. More than likely, they’ll have the sh*t kicked out of them when they’re older. BTW, read Ken’s comment about giving your children names with odd spellings. Not everyone agrees with you, whomever you are – what is your name, anyway? You’re not married to Erik, are you?

I figure there must be a few dozen more ways to spell Aidan than the 14 listed above. Why not add some random diacritics, and run with it: Äidan, Äiden, Äyden, and so on, using Ä or  or à or Ą or Æ or Ẩ or Ặ, and so on. Finally, consider a Canadian variation: you could spell his name Eh-den.

Derryl, what does Aidan make of all this? Is he concerned that you didn’t choose an aberrant spelling of his name?

I guess it’s time to review the Alberta Baby Names for Boys 2004, Girls 2004, Boys 2005 and Girls 2005. In the meantime, if you find any gems, let me know. – ŖåήδËỷ