the pod bay door

:: For years I’ve ranted about parents giving stoopid baby names to their children. It’s one of the reasons that certain people should not be permitted, by law, to procreate. One of my favorite web sites is Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing: A Primer on Parent Cruelty, compiled by Diane Goodman in San Francisco. Goodman visits various baby naming bulletin boards (like BabyCenter), grabs actual posts about what names parents are considering giving their new babies, and adds editorial comments to each one. It’s one of the few sites that makes me laugh out loud.

Friday’s Edmonton Journal featured an article on the top Alberta baby names for 2003. Titled Now who’d name their child Zxyrill? (good question, and a sad one at that), the article not only highlights stoopid names, but the bizarre trend of parents to create variant spellings on a name, as if in doing so, they have bestowed some special individuality on their poor, unsuspecting child.

Examples from the article:

Aidan was chosen by the parents of 130 baby boys born in Alberta in 2003. Others chose Aaden, Adan, Aden, Adin, Adyn, Aedan, Aeden, Aedyn, Aiden, Aidin, Aidon, Aidyn, Aydan, Ayden, and Aydon.

Proud Alberta parents named 114 girls Abigail. Others went with Abbegale, Abbeygael, Abbigael, Abbigayle, Abbi-Gayle, Abbygail, Abbygale, Abigael, Abigale and Abigayle.

That sound you just heard was me, screaming. Sorry, hope I wasn’t too loud. What’s missing from these two lists are variations like Ehdin, A’dyn, Aaddinn, and Haidan, where the parents advise their poor kid that the “H” in his name is silent.

One boy in Alberta was named Connnor. Yes, there are three “n”s in his name. Another girl was named Lexus-Nykole. Among the baby names for boys, registered in Alberta in 2003: Blade, Boston, Caprice, Chaos, Coletrane (jazz fan?), D. (yes, with the period), Dee-Jay (radio fan?), Dilbert (likes the funnies?), Diesel (likes Vin?), Denzel (obvious), Ebenzer (is that a typo?), Exzavier (wanted to ensure correct pronunciation), Fox and Foxx (one’s parents like Mulder, the other Redd), Freedom (Woodstock outtake), Frost, Genesis (“there must be some misunderstanding…”), H. (will he meet D. someday?), Hillary (this kid will get teased), Houston (will he meet Boston someday?), J.R., Jetli (martial arts fan?), Jonathn (typo?), Journey (did they ever tour with Genesis?), K.C. (also KC), (NOTE: The Ks have many bizarre variations on many names beginning with C), Lucky, Madeleine (he’ll need to team up with Hillary), Man, Maxxam (palindrome), Memphis (ok, geothematic stuff happening here), Neo (Matrix fan?), Oblio (old Nillson fan? “Me and My Arrow…”), Ocean, Osama (er, um…), Ozzy (70s headbanger?), Pure (?), Phoenix (continuing with cities), River (perhaps he’ll be in the same class as Ocean), Shady, Shooter, T. (ok, so maybe D., H., J.R., K.C., and T. will form a rock band called The Initials), Thunder, Tiger, Tolkien (could become friends with J.R.), Trigger (will become friends with Shooter), Wang (there was also a Chung, please, please let them become friends, too!), Xyler (what, Tyler isn’t good enough?), Zyler (ok, you win).

More variant spelling examples: Braden: Bradyn, Braedan, Braeden, Braedon, Braedyn, Braiden, Braidin, Braidon, Brayden, Braydin, Braydon, BrayDyn. What, Braydan wasn’t good enough? What about Breigh-Dann?

Among the baby names for girls, registered in Alberta in 2003: A., Arizona-Rayne, Babe, Bay-JA (my name is spelled capital b, small a, small y, hyphen, capital j, capital a), Becca (that had to happen, in addition to destroying spelling, parents are now chopping up names as well), Brie (name your kid after cheese?), Brooklyn (ok, when did naming a girl after an NYC borough become popular? And the variations? Migod… Brookelyn, Brooke-Lyn, Brooke-lyn, Brooke-Lynn, Brooke-lynne, Brooklin, BrookLyn, Brook-Lyn, Brook-lyn, Brooklynn, Brooklynne. They forgot Broocklinne), Charisma (no pressure on this kid), Charlize (nicely timed), Colby (another cheese), Desert (will have to date Ocean or River), Dwyshina, Dylynn (aghh!), Georga (another typo?), Ice (will be in contention with Desert to date River or Ocean), Island, Isabell’a (is that pronounced Isabell-AHHH?), J’dynn (a Klingon?), Jewelyanna, Jor-el (isn’t that Superman’s father’s name?), Jythsaint (try saying that while eating crackers), Kennedy (and Kenadee, Kenady, Kenedy, Kennadi, Kennedi – shoot me now), Leaf, November, Ocean (and Oceana, Oceanna, Océanne), Orielle-Floriane, Peris, Poetry, Prescious (are the parents named Gollum and Smeagol?), Promise, Rabeaca (if this is a variation on Rebecca, the others include: Rebbeca, Rebbecca, Rebecka, Rebeka, Rebekah, Rebekka, Rebekkah, and Rebeccaanne – spare a hyphen, maybe?), Sappho (are they expecting her to bat for the same team?), Sarah-Lee (future cake baker?), Shaquille (c’mon, she’s a girl, dammit!), Sparrow, Solaris, Storm, Sunshine (they must become friends), Swastika (oh-my-God; maybe she’ll have it changed, or shortened to “Tika”), Teardrop, Ty’r (Klingon again?), White, and Zowie.

Perhaps many of these children might end up in the same kindergarten class. I pity the teacher. The images are frightening. “Mom, Sappho and J’Dynn are here, can I go out and play with them? We’re going over to Tolkien’s house, Ocean, River and Ice will be there too.” How will Chaos’s parents react when he brings his girlfriend over to meet them? “Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet Swastika.”

Can’t any of these parents be slapped upside the head, or given a good, swift, hard kick in the behind?

:: BTW, The Sopranos returned to tv, after a 15-month hiatus. The first episode tonight was quite good. Here’s a review (with spoilers, if you haven’t seen the episode, don’t read the whole thing.)

:: Found on Hilary’s site:

– The UK Royal Mail has issued stamps commemorating the 50th anniversary of the publication of the first two volumes of the LOTR trilogy.

– Seattle’s new Central Library, opening in May, 2004, is truly on the cutting edge of technology these days. In addition to wireless service available anywhere in the 11-story building, staff will use wireless “smart” communication devices a la Star Trek:

“For instance, there will be wireless “smart” necklaces that let library staff communicate and respond from anywhere in the building. If, for example, a patron who speaks only Spanish phones the reference desk, the librarian can tell the device to patch the call through to a librarian who speaks the language. If the patron shows up in person, the librarian at the desk could ask the device to locate the nearest staffer who’s qualified to translate.”

To be able to provide reference service from anywhere in a library would be interesting. We wouldn’t be restricted to the information desk area when answering a question by phone, and we could move about the floors of the building without losing contact with a customer.

:: Absolutely hilarious cartoon of LOTR director Peter Jackson, after winning the Oscar. (Via: Morrie.)

:: A colleague at work sent me an e-mail, pointing to a site called musicplasma, which “maps” artists of similar musical styles to each other. The idea is, you search an artist you like, and the resulting map will list artists you are most likely to also like, because of similar styles. I searched Steely Dan, and the artists listed as closest to Don & Walt’s sound are Cher, with Annie Lennox and Celine Dion not much farther away. Methinks the program creators don’t much like our boys from NYC. The site is interesting, but there isn’t much explanation as to why it even exists, what the colour scheme represents, etc.

In the same e-mail, however, was a link to Geist, a Canadian magazine “featuring the best in Canadian fiction, non-fiction, photography, comix and what-have you.” Check out Caught Mapping, which features thematic maps in .pdf format. The maps are quite good, but don’t translate well into a .pdf frame. Try these maps: The Erotic Map of Canada, which includes Hump Island, Bare Butt Bay, The Nipples, The Buttocks, and Lac du Pénis de Caribou. However, the funniest collection of names belongs to Newfoundland.

There is also The National Beer Map of Canada, The Doughnut Map of Canada, The Philosopher’s Map of Canada, and many more.

:: The 76th Academy Awards were nice, friendly, predictable, funny in parts, and came in well under four hours. New Zealanders were happy with the results, as well as with Keisha Castle-Hughes’ appearance as a nominee for Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role, for Whale Rider. Her family in NZ was very excited for her. She wore a special whale pin in her hair. Megan Gibb, reporting for the NZ Herald, provided a moment-to-moment commentary as the evening progressed. Another reporter took the NYTimes to task for describing Jackson as a “bespectacled Australian”.

:: The 2004 IFP Independent Spirit Awards were announced on Saturday night in Santa Monica CA. The awards are given the night before the Academy Awards. “The Spirit Awards is a celebration honoring films made by filmmakers who embody independence and who dare to challenge the status quo.” Lost in Translation was the big winner, taking Best Picture, Best Director, Best Male Lead, and Best Screenplay.

:: What’s next in writing tools for weblogs? Dave Winer wants your opinion. I’m wondering if something like Textpattern is where things are headed. Then there is the corporate blog movement; anyone heard of SilkBlogs?

:: When I drive, I play word games with licence plates on vehicles in front of me. When it’s a plate with three letters, I try to form words using the letters in the order they appear from L-R. For example, my plate’s letters are WZN, which could be wheezing or waltzing. My previous licence plate was STR, which could be straight, stretch, mustard, magistrate, saturate, etc. Today I saw a plate with CRD, and could though of chord, card, cradle, etc. I also though of The Communards, an 80s UK band. Later while driving, I was switching radio stations (all of the pop music stations in Edmonton suck bobos), and the first song I heard was “Smalltown Boy”, by the Bronski Beat, which later became…The Communards.

Coincidence? Psychic phenomenon? Rift in the space-time continuum?

:: Grey Tuesday happened yesterday. An LA DJ, Danger Mouse, “created” a remix of Jay-Z’s The Black Album and The Beatles’ White Album, and released it on the Internet, calling it The Grey Album. (Jay-Z had released an a cappela version of The Black Album to encourage sampling.)

EMI, claiming copyright of The White Album, is attempting to stop the album’s distribution, having previously sent Mouse a cease and desist order, re: online distribution of the record. The Grey Tuesday web site notes that “Danger Mouse’s album is one of the most “respectful” and undeniably positive examples of sampling; it honors both the Beatles and Jay-Z.” Jason Kottke suggests that “musical sampling without prior consent of the copyright holder should be legally allowed because it does our society more good than harm.” Hundreds of web sites turned grey on Tuesday in protest.

I can’t buy this argument. I’ve been a musician for 37+ years, and don’t see anything creative or inventive in the “sampling” of another artist’s original work by adding new lyrics or rhythm, then claiming credit (or co-credit) for it as an original work. That opinion notwithstanding, how does not informing a copyright holder that her or his music has been taken by another “artist” and morphed into something else, do harm to society? WTF?

So why am I against this, while not against downloading? Because I believe these are two different issues. If the music industry can get its act together (right, and the sun will go nova this weekend, too) to create a fee-for-service downloading service, I’d be happy to pay to download music, if the fee structure was within reason, and the quality of the product could be guaranteed beforehand. So far, the industry hasn’t responded. And P2P downloading is legal in Canada. With “sampling”, an artist takes an original work, changes it, and we are expected to view this as a new, creative and unique product.

DJ Danger Mouse “honors” The Beatles with this effort? The album cover shows Jay-Z in the centre, with The Beatles standing behind him, as if to suggest collaboration. Still other versions have him sharing space with The Beatles on the Revolver and Yellow Submarine covers. Sacrilege.

Many artists allow sampling of their music, but the process begins with permission to use copyright material, and then negotiations for compensation with the copyright holder(s). Many other artists, The Beatles included, do not allow sampling.

Then again, this is just my opinion, I could be wrong.